Tortured Soul Part I

The Tortured Soul Part I

Staring Fear in the face

GOD! Help me please! I can't get out...I can't get away. Please!

Why would God listen to me? I don't talk to Him. Why would he help me now? He didn't save grandmother who served Him forever. Does HE even know what's happening to me right now? Oh my GOD! Please...Please...save me!

I couldn't scream. I couldn't move. I couldn't see. But something came over me, a strength I can't describe that gave me the opportunity to push my way free and run, run, run through the darkness of night. Tree branches scratching my face, my arms, my legs...run, just run! I continued to tell myself to run. I knew that I would see street lights soon. The highway has to be close. I can hear the cars. Are those cars? Oh...I hope I'm running in the right direction. North, South, North Star...I don't camp! Where the hell am I?! HEY UP THERE!! DO YOU HEAR ME?! NOW WHAT DO I DO?!!

Overcome with tears and wandering  through woods I found myself crawling onto a sidewalk. You've got to be kidding me...Alafaya Trail? The busiest street on the east side of town and not a car in sight! It's the middle of the night, how can the street lights NOT be on?!  Darkness, too much darkness.

They left me...my so called friends left with a car full of people and convinced me that he would take me home. "I'm going that way" he says. I'm going that way sure..." Wait!! But...this is the wrong way


Where once was light now darkness falls
Where once was love, love is no more
Don't say goodbye, don't say, I didn't try


These tears we cry are falling rain
For all the lies you told us, the hurt, the blame
And we will wait to be so alone
We are lost, we can never go home


So in the end I'll be what I will be
No loyal friend was ever there for me
Now we say goodbye, we say you didn't try


These tears you cry have come too late
take back the lies the hurt the blame
And you will weep when you face the end alone
You are lost, you can never go home
You are lost, you can never go home --Emiliana Torrini


GOD? ARE YOU PLAYING WITH ME UP THERE? Well its not funny...

I have to get away. I need to get help. Where do I go? What do I do? I don't know what to do... Pull it together Candi. You know this apartment complex across the street. Just get across the street. They will help me...if they're even home. Please be home!

Flashbacks are like reliving something over and over again. The worst fear, the worst pain I've ever dealt with and it tortures me every time I walk into a dark room, see a dark forest... the past has control of my life. How do I get it back? When will the fear go away? How am I going to stare it in the face? I can't get it out of my mind,  I never will...I will never speak of it again. Silence speaks louder than words. So don't speak...

I have been brought face to face with death. Now who will rescue me from this body undergoing death? My innocence was stolen, I have no strength, what little faith I had is gone. I am going to die right here, right now if he finds me.  And FEAR, yes you FEAR, I'm talking to you: You did this to me.

But GOD...Jehovah God you saved me

(2 Corinthians 4:7-10) . . .the power beyond what is normal may be God’s and not that out of ourselves. 8 We are pressed in every way, but not cramped beyond movement; we are perplexed, but not absolutely with no way out; 9 we are persecuted, but not left in the lurch; we are thrown down, but not destroyed. 10 Always we endure. . .


I endured. Yes I endured and I continue to endure this constant fear that is torturing my soul.


By: Candi Celeste Ferguson