Self Sabotage

From my previous notes…(which I will get back to) I’m taking a drastic change in my thought process. And I’ll give credit where credit is due. This topic initially came up with Cat Taylor and Wesley Millan at Borders. Thanks guys for spurring my internal novelist. I also credit Drew Tucker and Peter de Zeeuw for letting me bounce this topic off of them. Thanks guys. That being said; Here we go!

Self sabotage is when an individual immerses themselves into an old conditioned habit or way of being that cripples their success, integrity, self esteem, self worth, self confidence, their happiness, their relationships, their health. Ones we have talked about before. Probably over the past few years actually.

Although such behavior to any sane person would seem totally absurd (because it is) to the person who harbors it at an unconscious level there appears to be some sort of "logic" that is driving it.

This unconscious logic is just that "unconscious" and so the person who is engaging the behavior that it supports cannot see it clearly. It is when it, the unconscious logic, is made conscious that the negative behavior vanishes involuntarily.

Self sabotage is a pattern that is seen in individuals who have experienced some form of emotionally traumatic experience in their early life or may be experiencing now. If not properly cleared the memory of this incident sets up in them a sense of vulnerability, fear and hyper vigilance around any event or situation that resembles it in some way. You can refer back to my note The Tortured Soul: “Staring Fear in the Face”.

Ok a very bad relationship you’ve had in the past. The negative emotional imprint of this relationship will still be inside you. Men or women harbors these emotions and we all know it.

Whenever you attempt to engage a new relationship you will be vulnerable to re-experiencing the old painful emotions again. The fear of doing so often leads one to unconsciously sabotage their current relationship so that they will avoid being hurt or jaded again.

Therefore the self sabotaging behavior is in an attempt to maintain a sense of internal emotional peace or harmony. You’re better off suffering alone than suffering over and over again. Throwing yourself back “into the game”. The relationship game has changed. For those of us who have experienced love and loss, it’s so hard to face it. We’re not getting any younger and the desire is there. Jehovah put that desire in us. And unfulfilled it “makes the heart sick”.

Self sabotaging behavior appears to become engaged automatically and appears to be out of the person's control. It is what many might refer to a "bad habit" and habits are thought to be out of our conscious control.

So the individual may actually feel "out of control" of themselves and may find themselves unhappy at the outcome. Ha Ha…we’re actually NOT out of control. (who knew)

The unconscious choice to maintain a sense of control over the appearance old negative emotions from the past wrestles control away from someone in the present as they attempt to make another go at a relationship.

This is what we call "living in the past" or "being enslaved by the past".

The only way to fully live in the present as a truly empowered and successful individual is to release these old painful negative emotions.

Now, will we put it into practice? That’s a question only you can answer.

By: Candi C. Ferguson